Dating apps didn’t just change how people meet. They changed how people value each other.
We’ve turned dating into online shopping. Swipe like you’re comparing air fryers. “This one has better abs.” “This one looks less annoying.” “This one might ruin my life but in a hot way.” And then everyone acts surprised that it feels a bit empty and weird. Because the app doesn’t teach connection. It teaches comparison.
It teaches your brain that there’s always a “better option” one thumb-flick away, and once you train yourself on that, you start treating real humans like temporary trials you can cancel before the free week ends.
That’s the disease: replaceable energy and you can feel it everywhere — in the messages, the dates, the ghosting, the flaking, the little power games where people pretend not to care while secretly praying someone finally chooses them. Now, I’m going to roast everyone, so relax. If you’re looking for a hero, go watch Marvel.
The Bloke Experience: Desert Vibes and Dickhead Behaviour
For a lot of men, dating apps feel like standing in the desert licking a vending machine.
So blokes do what desperate animals do: they start spraying messages like a malfunctioning garden sprinkler, and the messages are absolutely feral.
Mate. If you call yourself a nice guy, you’re usually a cunt with manners as a costume.
Some blokes write “Looking for something real” and then open with something they’d normally only say to a toilet wall. They’ll be like, “I want a deep connection” and two minutes later they’re typing with one hand like, “sit on my face” as if that’s a normal sentence to lead with. That’s not confidence. That’s porn brain and impatience having a baby.
Then, when they get ignored, some of them flip into the classic sulk: “Women are the problem.”
No. Your approach is the problem. You’re behaving like a bloke trying to win the pokies by punching the machine and screaming at the screen.
The app rewards volume. It rewards low effort. So men either become numb, angry, and cynical… or they become a frantic Labrador begging for reassurance and accidentally ruining every conversation by being too hungry.
The Women’s Side: Attention Firehose and Inflated Options
Now, the other side. A lot of women jump on an app, post one decent photo, and the phone starts vibrating like it’s possessed. Not because women are magical. Because the attention imbalance on apps is cooked and when you’re getting that much inbound attention, it changes behaviour. It just does.
Some women end up treating men like background noise. They’ve got 300 matches, 47 “hey gorgeous” messages, and a bloke called Darren writing a paragraph about how he “really values communication” while his profile photo is him holding a fish like it’s his emotional support animal.
So what happens? Low effort gets rewarded.
One photo, one line in the bio, and you can still sit there like:
“Entertain me.”
“Make me laugh.”
“If you can’t handle me at my worst…”
Meanwhile she’s offering the personality of a wet tissue and still getting attention because the system is built that way, and here’s the aiming-higher effect you mentioned — it’s real, but it’s not “women are delusional.” It’s app maths. If you’re getting likes from men who are hotter, richer, or higher status than the men you meet in your normal life, your brain starts thinking, “Oh. That’s my level now.”
But half those likes aren’t offers. They’re drive-bys. They’re boredom swipes. They’re some bloke on the toilet, dopamine-hunting, not building a life plan. So women end up raising standards based on phantom attention, and men end up feeling invisible. Everyone gets cynical. Everyone gets a bit shitter and the app just keeps printing money off your loneliness like it’s a subscription.
The Real Villain: The Slot Machine in your Pocket
Dating apps aren’t built like a village. They’re built like a casino.
Swipe. Match. Dopamine.
Swipe. Nothing. Dopamine crash.
Swipe. Match. Dopamine again.
It trains people to chase the next hit, not the next person.
So you end up with:
And then nobody feels chosen. They feel assessed.
Dates turn into auditions where two people pretend not to care, while both are secretly scanning for reasons to bail. And if anything feels slightly imperfect, they don’t work through it — they go back to the catalogue. Because why deal with friction when you can just swipe again?
Why This Fucks with your Head
Humans can handle rejection. What they struggle with is feeling disposable. Being disposable makes people weird. It makes people guarded. It makes people perform. It makes people pre-reject before they get rejected and that’s why everyone’s “independent” now but also quietly miserable.
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Three fixes that don’t require a therapist and a crystal
The Takeaway
Dating apps made everyone replaceable — men feel it when they get ignored, women feel it when attention turns out to be cheap, and everyone feels it when connection never quite lands. The cure isn’t deleting apps and moving to the woods. It’s remembering you’re dealing with a human, not shopping for a better deal, and here’s the question that’ll start a proper comments scrap (good):
Have dating apps actually made dating easier — or have they just made rejection quieter and commitment rarer?
Author: Master Yoda
For: Langtrees.com
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“Dating apps are definitely a problem!
I’ve tried them and I’ll never touch them again.
In my experience not only does it make it hard to find an actual connection because let’s be real your not the only one he’s matched with, people are addicted to that dopamine hit of being wanted so the more matches that come the conversation drys and they disappear onto their never ending journey of just being fancied.
Which comes to the next problem of online apps, it’s slowly dumbing people to the point of being illiterate. I can’t respond to comments that are all abbreviations, like “ur hott irl, dtf?.” it shows me that if we meet in person the conversation is going to be minimal or zero.
I personally believe in meeting through mutual friends or by chance just going about your day, hell I’ll even go to speed dating.
”
“The connection between humans is far more than just language - what about mannerisms, body language, and facial expressions? Dating apps reduce humans to robots - guess that fits right into the "zeitgeist" of modern times.”
“Kudos for calling out the real problem: it's not a gender war, it's just app mechanics printing money off our collective loneliness. Bringing real-life energy back into communication is the only way out!”
“I completely agree. Having too many options can make people forget that real relationships take time, patience, and effort. Great read
”
“I think apps have made meeting people easier, but actually connecting with someone harder. There's always this feeling that something better might be one swipe away, and I don't think that's done anyone many favours.”
“Very interesting; I don't usually use dating apps precisely for this reason, but there's a fascinating world to understand behind it all.”
“Dating apps have never been a great platform for communication but they are definitely getting worse. The dating pool in general is a very flippant landscape and when you bring dating apps in as your main way to meet people it almost makes it impossible to form a good ongoing connection. I personally need to feel the IRL vibe with someone before I know it I like them, and when you are time poor, stretched thin and waiting for days for someone to respond it doesn’t make teeing up a date very appealing….. and if you push the envelope and meet up with someone often one person gets the ick 😂 next person I date will definitely need to be a IRL meet
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AU