Let’s have a sweaty little chat about something we’ve all seen at the gym—not the stair machine no one uses, but the absolute goddess strutting through like it’s the goddamn Victoria’s Secret Fitness Expo.
Tiny shorts, crop top, abs sharper than a samurai sword, and an ass that could make a priest question everything. And to be clear: this is not a complaint. No man has ever gone home from the gym and said, “You know what really ruined leg day? That hot woman existing near me.”
We love it. We respect it. We salute it.
But lately, something’s gone sideways. Because if you so much as glance—even for half a second—you might end up the next star of a TikTok labelled “creepy guy can’t stop staring at me during my hip thrusts.”
Mate. He probably looked once. Because you’re in front of him, wearing less than a protein bar wrapper, doing glute bridges like you’re trying to summon Zeus with your pelvis. Of course people are going to look. That’s not being a perv—that’s called having working eyes and testicles. “You Can Look But Don’t Fucking Look”
We’re now living in this bizarre paradox:
But if a real-life human male dares to glance? “Excuse me sir, this is harassment!” … What the fuck kind of matrix-level gaslighting is that? Imagine putting your tits on a billboard then screaming at cars for reading the sign.
“To Be Clear: Some Blokes Are Actual Creeps”
Now don’t get me wrong—there are men who ruin this for the rest of us. The ones who stare too long, follow women around the gym, or worst of all, do that creepy side glance while pretending to drink water from a dry bottle. And yes, the world doesn’t need another bloke holding a dumbbell in one hand and his cock in the other. You are disgusting. Go home. Unsubscribe from humanity.
So if you’re one of those guys, stop it. Be better. Just train, nod politely, then go back to silently dying during squats like the rest of us.
“You Can’t Flash the Bakery and Complain About the Crumbs”
Here’s where I get blunt: If you want to show off your peach, your pokies, your power thighs—go off, queen. Own it. Love it. Flaunt it. And if the attention feels good, f**king revel in it. You’ve earned those glutes, wear them proudly.
But if you genuinely don’t want people to look—why the hell are you blowing kisses at strangers with both sets of your lips? Why are you arching your back like a mating cat while filming your “low-key glute burn” for your followers? Make a choice. You either dress for war (and slay) and accept the eyeballs, or you chuck on some baggy shorts and headphones and disappear into stealth mode like a cardio ninja. No shame either way. But don’t bait the bear then scream about bear attacks.
“Men, Mind Your Dicks. Women, Own Your Power—Or Don’t.”
Here’s the fair middle ground:
Empowerment doesn’t mean weaponising shame. It means owning your space—and letting others exist in theirs without fear of public execution via Insta story.
Final Thoughts From the Swole Sideline: If you’ve got the body and the confidence to rock it at the gym, I say f**king bravo. Be the smoke show. Be the fitspiration. But don’t set a thirst trap and act shocked when someone gets thirsty.
Sound off in the comments: Are we too soft, too horny, or just too confused about how to coexist in a world of yoga pants and GoPros? And if you’re still mad, go scream into a dumbbell. It’ll do just as much good as posting about it on TikTok.
Author: Master Yoda
For: Langtrees.com
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