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The call came early. Way too early for a Sunday morning with me moaning out of a deep sleep exhausted after another night of cage dancing at the aged care home. I was still sticky from body glitter and a wee bit of spittle the old dears had accidentally sprayed on me as they praised my moves standing too close to the cage to get a better look. “Maaate…” was the introduction and my heart sank recognising of course Old Mate Georges usual greeting. “Jeez” was my response as I spotted the time on my Samsung. “Look I know its early” he said, “but its important mate. A business opportunity” he insisted and said heart sank lower. “Mate I’m gunna buy you breakfast” George commanded and before I could gather scattered thoughts, he gave the place and time, “Maccas Jolimont and in 15 minutes”, still well before the sun rose in the east I noted fuzzily to self as George had gone.
Stupidly 20 minutes later I slotted my black Mustang purchased from my Blogger earnings into the almost empty parking lot at the iconic chain 24/7/365 restaurant right next to Georges 67 orange Torana. I entered and was enthusiastically waved over by the big bloke to the sumptuous Ronald McDonald kids party room empty at this hour of screaming 5-year-old birthday celebrants. “I booked this room so we can talk in secret” George conspiratorially like a mob boss meeting the hit man to arrange the contract. “Here” he said at this stupid o’clock hour handed me a warmish Emu lager from his jacket pocket “Let’s talk” he said “Don’t worry about the beer” he said, “I slipped the floor boss a twenty” and I looked up to see the said 18 year old Maccas employee enter the party room with the pre ordered weekly special of three Kids Meals each with toys.
“Maaate have I got a proposal for you” he said all while inhaling the first of his tiny cheeseburgers. “Uh hu” I answered waiting for the large-flat-white-for-a-large-fat-white-guy that I had dad-joked ordered to the young Macca employee. “Mate, look its common knowledge…. well now it is” George said ominously “That you work at a brothel” he said, “Langtrees?” he queried as I spluttered on a cold chip. “What! No, I don’t work at Langtrees” I said and suddenly I wondered what George had been telling our mutual circle of friends recalling the recent weird whispering, sly winks and several nudge-nudge-say-it-ain’t-so performances in recent meetings with the circle of those various acquaintances. “George, I write blogs for the web site” I explained. “Yea so you work for a brothel” he concluded, and I closed my eyes in frustration unwilling to argue the point with an idiot and waiting in increasing trepidation for his latest idea to evolve.
“Mate I haven’t told many others this, apart from my butcher” George started, but I am a premmie” he said. “A what” I asked “A premature ejaculator, PE…I cum to early” he said and looking at Ronald McDonalds two hands depicted on a massive clock I agreed about the coming too early bit. “Me second missus used to like a boiled egg mate” George said. “When I managed to convince her to have sex, she would put a boiled egg on so she could eat it straight after the act” he explained and I understood that what he was saying was that he might last at least 7 minutes for not quite (excuse the irony) hard-boiled. But I stayed quiet knowing the storm was coming. In fact, his statement about Langtrees reminded me of him telling me once over a few bevvies that he was actually banned both by the management and the courts not to approach the luxury bordello establishment within 1 kilometre. Seems one early morning an under the weather George bereft of all his money from a night at the nearby Burswood casino had wandered into the chocolate factory and asked Hurricane Tracey at reception how much he could get for his remaining $4.90. “Go wank yourself” was her dismissive suggestion. George had accordingly left the premises and went into a nearby alley. Five minutes later he was back at reception and asked who he should pay the $4.90 to.
Anyhoo George continued “Mate I am the current President of PEST” George said, and I nodded knowing that to be inherently true. “PEST is the Premature Ejaculator’s Society Trust” George explained, “and I am the Grand Wizard of the Perth chapter” he said. I smiled ruefully but kept quiet as I reflected on that condition that afflicted so many men recalling my prior research on the matter and temporarily blocking out George’s ramblings as my mind returned to those studies. Premature ejaculation is of course no laughing matter for the men who suffer it. AI Meta kindly reminded me of its overview of the condition.
Premature ejaculation (PE) is a common sexual dysfunction where ejaculation occurs sooner than a person desires, causing distress to them or their partner, often within about one minute of sexual activity. It can be lifelong, present from the first sexual experience, or acquired, developing after a period of normal ejaculatory control. PE is caused by a combination of psychological factors (like anxiety, stress, or depression) and biological factors (such as irregular hormone or brain chemical levels) and is often treatable with methods like behavioural therapy or medication.
Key Characteristics
Look it’s time for full disclosure PE had happened to me I reckon from memory twice in my sexual life. Both times was the first time in each case that I was making love to an absolutely beautiful woman, way above my pay scale in looks. The built-up emotions of the chase, the seduction and the eventual first coupling was what I blamed for the embarrassingly early arrival of my first offering. Both women were entirely sympathetic and of course I explained to them that what had just happened was their fault and not mine and all due to their incredible beauty. With a laugh and a rest with 5-play the second time was soon a charm. But as George rambled on in the background I thought about how many men did in fact suffer from the condition in Australia and snuck a look at Gemini’s findings under the short kiddie’s party room table.
AI Overview
The prevalence of premature ejaculation (PE) in Australia is estimated to be between 21% and 31%, with one study reporting 23.8% of men experiencing it in the National Sex in Australia. These figures vary due to differing definitions and reporting methods, though PE is consistently identified as the most common male sexual dysfunction in the country.
Key Findings
Jeez! I thought to self, nearly one quarter of men report PE in studies in Australia, and as noted the researchers suspect under-reporting. That would also mean a similar number of women were affected by their partner’s unwelcome condition. My attention went back to my companion as he cleaned up his last lonely fry and looked longingly at my tray until I pushed it over to him. “Yea so my idea is this” George sprayed not adverse to talking with his gob full. “We in PEST under my leadership, approach using your contacts with Langtrees to discuss and agree that our members get a special discount for services at the establishment.” “Na…” I started instinctively knowing that the business savvy and national sex industry icon Madam Mary-Anne Kenworthy was not going to fall for whatever crazy scheme good old George had dreamed up.
“Look its bloody obvious mate” he continued anyway. “My members won’t take as long on the job as some lucky bugger without PE. So, when we make a booking under my new PEST group discount idea (for which we, you and I pick up say 10% of the new bookings) we would have say 10 members waiting lined up outside the bedroom and grouping their money together for that hour. If each PE member takes say at the most 5 minutes, with ten blokes all arriving in a maxi taxi at the brothel that allows a total of 50 minutes in the paid for hour with the lady and leaves a spare ten minutes for tag in tag out or a reflective cigarette”. I stayed silent somewhat stunned at his audacity but as usual wondering where the fuck he got the inspiration for his craziness from. Suspecting my incredulity probably from the dazed expression on my face he continued. “Look mate it will significantly increase Langtrees already busy operation. But if we use the PEST scheme in off-hours for the brothel, say in the mornings there is no doubt from my research (George doesn’t research) that millions of dollars more will flow into their coffers, and you and I mate will have a 10 per cent share of that.”
“Nup” was my analysis of his offer as I stood up and left the big man licking his fingers and running them over the kids’ meals box to pick up the last grains of salt.
Regards Magnum
(George's Mate)
For: Langtrees.com
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“Look, it’s bloody obvious mate” – George is THAT guy who thinks he’s cracked the code. I don’t know whether to be horrified or impressed ?”
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