Look it’s very common to place a conclusion at the conclusion of a piece of writing. Makes sense yeah. However, in the case of this blog let me assure you that snoring is certainly not sexy. In fact, it’s horrible, sleep ruining, health destroying, relationship and even marriage wrecking. Snoring is the antithesis of sexy because if you are a chronic snorer chances are your sex life is diminished by the act, if not even over!
Now that’s a bit drastic I admit as so many marriages and relationships has the partner who doesn’t snore; (or probably more correctly doesn’t fall asleep as fast as the primary snorer) put up with it for years and sometimes decades.
Its all about evolution. Natural selection. Cast your mind back if you will to Neanderthal times with UGOG the manly leader of the pack tucking his wee hairy family safely away in the resident cave each night after a long day of hunter gathering. In this scenario the problem is that UGOG is a snorer, the cave bats even choosing to move black holes due to the disruptive decibels. How long I ask you as a reasonable Blog follower would it be until a passing sabre tooth tiger hears the meal klaxon and creeps into the rock cavity to feast on the world’s first sleep apnoea sufferer.
There were no snorers in those prehistoric days I would suggest as there was no obesity nor associated blood pressure problems from inactive lifestyles. The only heart attacks probably also related to the sudden appearance of that toothy grin of a hungry sabre tooth. Natural selection you see because if you heralded your location each night with a snorting trumpet like clarion you were naturally selected to be dinner.
Wild animals don’t snore. Dogs do. Why is that? It’s because very few dog breeds today evolved naturally. Most with honourable mentions like the Pug have been bio engineered into versions of canines that would not live for long in the wild. Pugs by design of their very short but oh so cute snout can hardly breath, therefore they snore bless them. Wild animals don’t snore because of the zoological theory known in small circles as the UGOG theory, if you snooze (and snore) you lose.
Just to back me up Meta AI defines sleep apnoea as a serious sleep disorder that causes breathing to stop and start repeatedly during sleep. This can lead to daytime fatigue, sleep disruption, and potentially serious health problems. Two main types exist: obstructive sleep apnoea (OSA), where the airway is blocked, and central sleep apnoea, where the brain doesn't send the right signals to breathe. Sleep apnoea is a common condition in Australia, affecting an estimated 5% of the population, according to Healthdirect. This translates to approximately 1 in 20 Australians experiencing this disorder. The prevalence is higher in men, with about 1 in 4 men over 30 affected, compared to women.
How about that scary little fact – one in four men over 30 suffer from sleep apnoea! So for those men that’s not 5 % that’s 25 %. One in four men have a serious actual health destroying sleep disorder that most of the stubborn buggers don’t even admit they have. Beware the sabre tooth tiger!
But there is hope. We already have the technology. You don’t have to suffer nor have your poor long suffering sleep deprived partner suffer. Buy a bloody CPAP machine! If the well-known Greek bio-engineer Cristos Papadopoulos was good enough to invent his CPAP machine use the bloody thing.
Ok I lied about Cristos. Forgive me because in my other life I write fiction and nasty habits form. In fact, Australia claims the genius who did invent the life changing if not lifesaving machines. The Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP) machine was invented by Dr. Colin Sullivan and his team at the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital in Sydney, Australia, in 1980. While the original prototype was developed in 1980, the first patients started using CPAP machines regularly at home in 1981, according to the Sydney Local Health District.
Time for personal admissions. I would have not survived in UGOGs times as I snore. Well to be accurate I did snore until 15 years ago when I bought a bloody CPAP machine and almost with religious fervour, I have worn that little beauty every night of those last 15 years. The benefits have been enormous. I sleep like a neanderthal, hairy and smelly! No really, I sleep for at least 8 and usually more like 10 hours and awake oxygenated refreshed and ready to hunt and gather.
The wonderful silent breathing machine is an actual life changer. I strongly recommend that you simply accept that you have the problem of sleep apnoea (yes you are the problem) and hook into the relationship saver of wearing a wonderful aid to a long life, and once again become sexy.
Author: Magnum
FOR: Langtrees.com
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“Snoring may seem funny, but it can put a damper on your night of romance and restful sleep, so let’s keep those sweet dreams snore-free.”
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