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My marriage had ended, three great and grown-up kids the consequence of the union that had ended in tears but not in total acrimony. We still got along as they say, more for the kids with both of us definitely out of love for each other but still with affection for the other.
It was a discussion on the car radio with a Perth fertility expert from Hollywood medical clinics that sparked my interest. Hollywood Nedlands and not Hollywood California I might point out.
They were seriously short on sperm donors in WA he said. So many local couples were desperate to have kids but are missing a vital ingredient. So, I researched the issue and good old Meta AI kicked in.
Sperm donation involves a man donating his sperm to help an individual or couple conceive a child, often through fertility treatments like artificial insemination. Donors undergo screening for infectious diseases and genetic conditions, and recipients receive non-identifying information about the donor's characteristics. The process also includes counselling for donors and recipients, and a quarantine period for donated sperm.
Key Aspects of Sperm Donation:
I thought about the issue for some time. I didn’t want or need any more kids myself. My three were all and more than I needed as a father and as a man. However, I am somewhat altruistic instinctively. I want to help others. I gave blood for 20 years for example and not just for the Miss Maude sammies after the donation. If couples were desperate to have kids and if donating sperm was an answer to that why not help out became a convincing argument with self.
Finally, I called the clinic at the phone number provided in the radio interview, ABC from memory so now showing my vintage. I was approaching the outer limit for donor age as outlined above but “Come on in” was the friendly invitation and I duly arrived for what I assumed would be an initial interview. There was in fact an interview but although certainly informative it was brief as the Doctor explained “We need to see if your sperm will be suitable before further investigation of you as to your health and circumstances family history and motive.” I saw the sense in that of course and was handed a small medical specimen jar and shown to a room set up with glossy sex magazines, a tv and porno cassettes for the DVD machine as DVDs were a thing back in the day.
The tech left me to my own devices, and I immediately checked that the door was locked from the inside – twice and searched the room for hidden cameras. Then while Debbie did Duncraig I very self-consciously entered the owner operator part of the session which was all very strange in that medical clinic setting. Until of course the monster (my pet name for it … I can damn well name it whatever I want to!) awoke, and all other logical and decent thought retreated. My precious specimen was summarily volunteered careful to ensure it went into the specimen jar and not all over the ceiling yeeha! Flushed with success, a very recent orgasm and a degree of embarrassment I delivered the small but now heavy jar to the technician waiting patiently back in his office. With a thank you very much for your kind donation ringing in my ears, or more correctly my imagination. I left with his don’t call us we will call you. Outside the clinic of course I ran into some friends. What are you doing here was the innocent question “Oh just had to drop something off” was the bashful response.
The technician did call me a week later with an invitation to come back in and do it again. Woohoo another free one was not in fact my thought. It seemed that they just needed to double check something about my wee lads.
So back I went a more relaxed wanker the second time, practically a seasoned professional by now. Once again, the nice ladies’ contortions on the small screen assisted me (God bless them), and once again, I proudly contributed to science like a one-man Nobel candidate in a paper gown. A few days later the phone rang and all hopes were dashed. “Look you have very good numbers, but your boys don’t like being frozen” the Doctor advised. Apparently, my swimmers were the kind that thrived in the tropics but curled up and died at the first sign of a chill. I’d officially flunked the motility test … the sperm equivalent of failing PE.
While I accepted the outcome with a sense of resignation, I was surprised by how genuinely disappointed I felt at not being able to contribute to couples in need. However, I will also admit that perhaps I was somewhat relieved that I would not personally have to go through life wondering about the life I might have helped create. In hindsight, those feelings of uncertainty might have emerged during the counselling phase of the donation process and could well have influenced my decision to proceed, even if my sample had been viable.
Anyway, those issues of self-doubt never arose. Enough about me. The need is still there for sperm donation. If you have the capability and the desire to help, please do make the phone call. Back to Ms Google and her advice - To donate sperm in Perth, you can contact clinics like City Fertility or Fertility Specialists of Western Australia, which partner with Addam Donor Bank for sperm donation programs. You can also reach out to Fertility North or Concept Fertility.
Regards
Magnum (Failed Sperminator)
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