I’ll admit, this has happened to me at least once in an AMP in my younger years! There’s a certain type of punter that every working girl remembers. Not because he was good. Not because he was bad. But because he was fast. I’m talking record-breaking, stopwatch-busting, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it fast. The bloke who walks into a booking, drops his pants, and three pumps later is lying there like he’s just completed a marathon.
The Build-Up
Oh, he comes in with confidence. Strides through reception like he’s about to make history. Picks his lady, showers like he’s scrubbing for surgery, and climbs on the bed with that look that says: “You’re in for it now, love.”
She smiles politely, thinking she’s got a nice easy 45 minutes ahead.
Maybe she’ll even get through the whole booking without breaking a sweat.
The Countdown
And then… 3… 2… 1… Boom. Sometimes it’s literally under a minute. The poor girl hasn’t even taken her bra off yet, and he’s already giving her the post-nut cuddle.
Other times, they last a whole three minutes, which apparently qualifies them for an Olympic medal in their own mind.
The worst part?
They always say the same thing:
Bullshit, mate. That’s exactly what happens every time.
The Recovery Plan
Now, here’s where the champions separate themselves from the amateurs. The smart ones? They’ve booked a full hour and they use it.
They go for round two, maybe three, actually get their money’s worth.
The dumb ones?
They get dressed, say “Thanks, that was amazing”, and walk out… leaving 57 minutes of paid time on the table.
That’s like ordering a full parmy and leaving after one chip.
The Lady’s Perspective
Ask any working lady and she’ll tell you — the 3-minute bloke is a blessing and a curse.
On one hand, it’s an easy session. She could technically get paid to sit there and talk about his dog for the rest of the booking.
On the other hand, she’s now trapped in a room with him while he’s trying to make awkward conversation in his jocks, and she’s praying the clock hits zero so she can change the sheets and reset her brain.
When Ego Gets Involved
The funniest ones are the blokes who still act like kings afterward.
They’ll brag to their mates: “Oh yeah, smashed it. She couldn’t handle me.”
Mate… she handled you just fine. She barely had time to blink.
I once knew a guy who came in, nutted in 90 seconds, then strutted out like he’d just won the Ashes.
Told everyone in the waiting room: “Better luck next time, boys — she’s worn out now.”
She was back in five minutes looking fresh enough to film a shampoo commercial.
Why It Happens
Look, there’s a few reasons blokes blow their load faster than a firecracker on New Year’s:
No shame in it. But maybe learn some control before dropping $300 on a session shorter than an ad break.
How to Avoid the 3-Minute Curse
For the fellas who want to do better:
Final Thoughts
Here’s the truth: the 3-Minute Champion is part of the punting ecosystem. Without them, there’d be fewer funny stories, fewer easy shifts for the girls, and fewer blokes learning the hard way that stamina matters. So if you’ve been a 3-minute man — own it. Laugh about it. Learn from it. And maybe next time, pace yourself so you can enjoy more than just the opening credits.
To the ladies — thank you for not laughing in our faces when it happens. You’re the real MVPs. Even if you do text your mates about it the second we leave.
Author: Master Yoda
For: Langtrees.com
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“The 3 minute man knows he is one - so lots of fun with foreplay !!”
“Three minutes, one ego, endless laughs. I couldn’t resist writing about punting’s fastest finishers—and the funny truths behind their bragging rights”
“I bring a board game with me so we can have 59 minutes of MouseTrap after.”
“Good read, Yoda. Every lady’s had a “blink-and-it’s-over” bloke. Nailed the mix of awkward and funny. We've definitely seen plenty of this type over here., and its never something for anyone to be ashamed of. Everyone is wired differently and theres so many factors that can cause the quick explosion, if you will haha. ”
“I loved this blog! It was sharp, funny, and honest. As someone with experience, I found it relatable. The "3-minute champ" is a common experience in this game—memorable for many reasons, both good and bad. You highlighted the difference between confidence and mistakes perfectly. The part about the post-nut cuddle while she still has her bra on? That's hilarious. I appreciate how you keep it real while also being understanding. This post made me nod, laugh, and wince all at the same time. Great storytelling! ”
“This was hilarious and weirdly wholesome at the same time. Thanks for the laugh (and the truth)!”
“We’ve all had our fair share of “3-minute champions” walk through the door... some memorable for the comedy, others for the awkward silence that follows. The best ones are the gents who laugh it off, relax, and actually make the most of their time. The worst? The ones who puff their chest like they’ve just conquered Everest. Either way, it generally keeps our ladies entertained.”
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