I don’t know if you have ever struck one in your life or had the misfortune to love one but I have, I reckon twice in my several decades. So, to better understand what happened to me and to warn you what might happen to you, I sought out once again Ms Google and her beautiful assistant Meta AI seeking expert advice.
Having done so I have learned that “Sexual narcissism is an egocentric pattern of sexual behaviour characterized by an inflated sense of sexual ability or entitlement. It can manifest as overcompensation for low self-esteem or an inability to sustain true intimacy and may involve extramarital affairs. Some experts believe that the condition often referred to as "sexual addiction" may be better understood as sexual narcissism or sexual compulsivity.
Here's a more detailed look:
Note: While often associated with men, sexual narcissism can occur in both males and females.
So yes, my own experience was with a female sexual narcissist. At first in the early stages of the relationship besotted by her Penthouse playmate looks and body I couldn’t believe my luck. Me a stock standard, umm let’s generously say 7 (cause that’s my lucky number) hooking up with an apparent beautiful sexy intelligent 10.
I took leave without pay from my marriage and moved into our love nest. It took a while, but I began to realise like the old Dan Seals song (probably about his own sexual narcissist) “All that Glitters is not Gold” the lust settled, and the truth was revealed. The true impact of the falseness of the relationship was when I, in the throes of what I believed was mutual passion, looked up and saw a completely blank look on her gorgeous face. The final proof was later in the piece when she convinced me to be handcuffed after allowing me to do the same to her to my great excitement. Instantly as I was secured to the sturdy bedposts she changed as if a mask had slipped off. She took her makeup and painted a clown face onto me and then snapped a polaroid of a very angry helpless 7. In that instant the relationship was done.
I knew already from her that she had been sexually assaulted as a child. She was extremely aware of and flaunted her looks and great body, no skirt too short. She confessed that an employer had told her that she used her sexuality to manipulate clients. She and I had an extra-marital affair, well, on my part anyway. She is still single 25 years later. Looking back, she ticked the boxes for a rare female sexual narcissist. Even as I finally left her, her instinctive, and I would suggest, inherent narcissistic response was to strip naked and lie on the bed inviting me on…in…whatever. It didn’t work, I was over her.
While that one woman remains a great provider of fantasy recalls, on balance I was never more relieved to escape the relationship. I hope that if your partner exhibits the traits of a sexual narcissist, you too can escape the clutches of him or her safely.
Author: Magnum
For: Langtrees.com
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“Sexual narcissism is a multifaceted construct with significant implications for interpersonal relationships and the well-being of those involved. The traits discussed—inflated self-worth, entitlement, manipulation, lack of empathy, relationship issues, underlying insecurities, and the potential for violence—collectively paint a picture of a personality style that prioritizes self-gratification and control over genuine connection and mutual respect. Understanding these characteristics is crucial for recognizing and addressing the harmful impacts of sexual narcissism.
Great read 🩷
”
“Thank you for sharing your story, but I'm not sorry that this happened to you. I believe that you played your part too!
If something is too good to be true, then it usually is, unfortunately. To leave your marriage for another, and I'm presuming that you were unfaithful while in your marriage? That doesn't sit well with me, and we reap what we sow. I'm not saying that you deserved this, but there is a right way to do things, and I believe in doing the right things for the best outcomes. Plus, I believe in the sacrament of marriage and respect it.
Did you see more in this girl than the pretty face, hot body, and constant sex, as it was never mentioned? It takes two to tango!
What I'm lacking to understanding here is the correlation between your relationship and sexual narcissism? To developed/established is a normal behavioural pattern between you two, then you didn't like it in the end. Plus, how is being assaulted as a child and the way she dresses related? It's her body, she can dress however she wants, you aren't the fashion police, and I bet you liked it at the beginning? You never mentioned any real sexual narcissistic behaviours that I studied at university in my mental health elective
Bottom line that I've read, you chose to leave your marriage for another who you thought was better, and it didn't work, now you look the fool, that's on you. ”
“What stood out to me was the point that confidence and charm aren't always the same thing as genuine care or connection.
In my line of work, I've met all sorts of people, and one thing I've learnt is that respect, empathy and consistency are far more attractive than grand gestures or someone constantly telling you how amazing they are. Sometimes the biggest red flags are hidden behind the brightest smiles. Interesting read.”
“A very compelling read, Mrs Langtrees. What struck me most was how vividly this captured the difference between surface allure and genuine intimacy. The phrase all that glitters is not gold fits perfectly here — sometimes the most outwardly captivating people can leave the deepest sense of emptiness behind them.
I also thought the personal storytelling made the piece especially powerful. It gave the topic a human dimension that a purely clinical explanation never could. The reminder that this kind of behaviour is not always obvious at first, and can hide behind beauty, charm, sexuality, and confidence, is such an important one.
What stayed with me most was the idea that desire and illusion can keep people overlooking warning signs long after something feels off. A fascinating, unsettling, and very honest reflection
”
“Thank you for sharing something so personal and raw — it really highlights a side of relationships that isn’t talked about enough. Sexual narcissists do exist, and for them, sex can become a performance, a tool, even a game. Sometimes it’s the only thing they feel they have to offer.
For many people, especially women, sexuality can also be shaped as a survival skill — something learned early through family dynamics, societal expectations, or past trauma. That doesn’t make it healthy, but it does make it understandable.
I truly believe that people with these patterns need professional support to unpack and heal what’s underneath it all. Without that, the cycle just continues.
I’m sure that experience was painful, but walking away takes strength — and it opens the door to healthier, more genuine connections.
I do wonder what happens when charm fades and those patterns no longer work. Without growth or self-awareness, it does seem like it could become a very lonely and unfulfilling path.
”
“‘ inflated sense of sexual ability or entitlement…overcompensation for low selfesteem’ — One of the ladies at Langtrees had mentioned narcissism in clients to me this week and I hadn’t thought of it in this way, even though she had smartly stated: “we cannot validate someone’s self-worth”.
Thinking about it now, it is very clear that many people actually are narcissistic especially in terms of sexual relations. This can show up drastically as it can in a minor way… I was thinking perhaps they’re misinformed due to porn and an outdated cultural stigma towards “how real men should be” and that this shows up in exaggerated entitlement.
At the end of the day: bring it down to earth.
Understand that ladies in the industry will speak up if there’s something specific they want.. and in any case, it’s mainly ego that drives the need to try and impress - we know how to take care of ourselves and have a good time with people we respect and who are respectful. Showing up cleanly and politely is the best thing you can do, and to be present and not bring stigmas (which do more harm than good).
Be comfortable with being vanilla, it’s a classic.
Be open to exploration of moments together rather than trying to recreate a scripted and unreal scene/expectation.
”
“This blog is darkly seductive in a way that lingers, blurring the lines between desire and danger just enough to draw you in. The raw honesty and the gradual unravelling of illusions are both intoxicating and unsettling. It serves as a reminder that chemistry alone cannot sustain a connection, no matter how electric it may feel. There’s something undeniably captivating about the balance between pleasure and power, as well as the importance of knowing when to walk away.❤️”
“Thanks for sharing, good read.”
“Thanks for blogging about such a personal, raw experience and for highlighting that there are sexual narcissists out there, to them sex is a performance, a tool & a game. Sex is also one of the only things they offer. I'm sure the experience hurt but you got to leave her & find better people. I wonder what becomes of sexual narcissists when they can't charm people as easily as they once did.... it must end up a miserable life for them.”
“Thanks for the warning. It’s scary how charm can hide something so dark.”
“I have had the misfortune to meet such an Inflated toad in my life which turned out to be a lesson learned and understood. Rightly said by the author .. this is a blog to be taken as a warning and to be taken seriously least you regret it later. Thank you for this amazing and insightful write-up. xx”
“You highlight an important point about how sometimes the most charming people may be harmful, especially sexual narcissists. It is critical to be conscious of your emotions. They appear to be amazing at first, but that does not last. Both the beauty and the pain in your story are really touching. This type of truth provides consolation to individuals who are silently battling.”
“ What a powerful and eye-opening read! Thank you for sharing your personal story so bravely; it really highlights how damaging relationships with sexual narcissists can be. Your descriptions of charm, manipulation, and emotional detachment are chilling, but sadly, they resonate with many people. I appreciate your insights into the psychological roots of this behavior and its consequences—they’re a valuable warning for others. Your honesty and resilience are truly inspiring, and I believe this piece will help many recognize the red flags before it’s too late. It's such an important read! ”
“Encountering a sexual narcissist can be a disillusioning experience, as their charming façade often obscures their self-serving behaviour and lack of empathy.”
“Sexual narcissism can be termed as sexual addiction or sexual compulsivity. As we all know, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Likewise, sexual narcissism has many disadvantages, but the worst is sexual coercion or domestic violence.”
“Hey mate, Thanks for writing this. It takes real strength to share something that personal — especially something that sits at the intersection of lust, love, trauma, and regret. Reading your words, I didn’t just feel sympathy — I felt resonance. There’s a quiet ache that lingers in stories like these, and it stirred something in me too. I’ve been there. Not in the same way, of course — no two stories are identical. But I’ve let someone in before who, in hindsight, wasn’t ready to truly be seen. I’ve been drawn in by beauty and charm, by intensity mistaken for intimacy. I’ve mistaken being wanted for being valued. And I’ve found myself staring into a face that once lit up my world — only to see nothing looking back. It’s a surreal kind of loneliness. And that hollow moment you described, when you looked up and saw nothing behind the eyes — that hit hard. I’ve felt that moment too. And it’s disorienting… because it forces you to question everything that came before. Was it ever real? Were you ever really loved, or just used to fill a void that was never yours to fix? What you wrote reminded me of something I’ve learned the long and hard way — that trauma is tricky. It can turn people into survivors, but sometimes also into shadows of themselves. And when those shadows start pulling at your own light, you either lose yourself… or you walk away. And that walk away — that’s where your strength truly shows. Here’s something I’ve come to understand, and maybe you have too: At the end of the day, when we allow ourselves to step into a relationship that’s unhealthy, even if it feels electric and thrilling… there’s something in us that needs healing. That’s not about blame — it’s about ownership. And there’s freedom in owning our part. Because it’s the only part we can control. The other person? They’ve got their own shadows, their own history, and their own choices to make. They are responsible for their part. But that’s not our job to carry. Our job is to learn, grow, and forgive — mostly ourselves. It’s not weak to walk away. It’s not cold to let someone go, even if they’re broken. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do — for them, and for yourself — is to stop trying to fix what’s not yours to fix. To walk away without needing to be the hero or the villain. Just… a man who knows what peace feels like, and finally wants that more than he wants chaos. You’ve done that. And in sharing your story, you’ve given voice to a part of many people’s journeys that stays unspoken. That matters. You’ve already turned pain into something with purpose. That’s alchemy, mate. Real gold. Thank you for the honesty. Keep walking the path. And keep holding space for yourself — because you deserve it. Much respect, Yoda”
AU